6 Tools to Process Grief
Even though grief affects all of us, very few people give it any thought until it happens. Then, in a flash, everything has changed and we’re often left floundering. Despite the inevitability of death, as a culture, we generally avoid talking about it. As a result, grief can overwhelm us. How in the world can we process something so deep and intense?
The good news is that we can shift this paradigm and do the work to understand such a universal experience. We can transcend counterproductive cultural expectations while embracing the nuances involved. In the name of expediting this process, let’s take a closer look at how to process grief.
The Realities of Grief
To begin with, grief is much more than the clichés we’re conditioned to speak and hear. Even with good intentions, there’s nothing truly helpful about telling a bereaved person that their deceased loved one is “not suffering anymore” and wouldn’t want grievers to “be so sad.” Someone who has suffered loss needs much more than suggestions about “staying strong” and “moving on.”
Grief can cause a vast array of distressful symptoms like profound sadness and shock, an inability to concentrate, sleep problems, guilt, anger, and a general sense of hopelessness. Unless such feelings are processed and resolved, they can escalate into social withdrawal, depression, and more.
In other words, when contemplating a topic like processing grief, you must confront things from the perspective of helping yourself and/or supporting others.
6 Tools to Process Grief
1. Don’t Rush Yourself
Grief is not linear. Sure, there are stages but they will come and go without warning. Give yourself room to flow with unpredictable cycles.
2. Do Not Pressure Yourself When Grieving.
You may be urged to "move forward," but it might feel like being shamed. Be present in the moment and lean on your support network. Move forward at your own pace.
3. Feel What You Need to Feel
A big part of resolving grief is to not suppress emotions. Sit with your feelings as you seek a new form of balance.
4. Be Heard
Quite often, a person who has experienced a loss just wants to be heard. You don't have transition into solution mode or isolate yourself. Ask for input from those closest to you, or ask them to sit down and talk. Sometimes, sharing memories and stories or openly discussing your grief with someone who cares is the best medicine.
5. Practice Self-Care
When in the throes of grief, you can lose track of your own needs. Also, when you’re supporting someone who is grieving, you can focus so much on them that you neglect yourself. In either case, you can get back on track by engaging in daily self-care, e.g.
Make healthy eating and drinking choices
Keep regular sleep patterns
Do some physical activity each day
Practice stress management
6. Ask For Help
Whether you are grieving or trying to help someone who is, you’ll need help. Lean on the trusted people in your life to have your back. Looking into support groups (online or in-person) can be a game changer.
Talk to a Professional
If grief feels confusing to you, you’re not alone. Reaching out to an experienced counselor is an ideal way to begin making sense of what has happened and how it’s making you feel. Downplaying a loss can lead to complicated grief so don’t hesitate to initiate contact with a therapist who can guide you. If loss and grief have you feeling stuck, I invite you to reach out and set up a free and confidential consultation for grief therapy at your earliest convenience. You deserve such help and support.