How to Get Past Feeling Like a Failure
It can be hard to remember what life was like before the internet. But what if you go back further to recognize that for most of human history, people stayed pretty close to home and mirrors were not the most common of household items. Fast forward to the digital age and we can feel like every single thing we do or say is under a microscope — and the biggest judge is yourself.
In such an environment, it’s not hard to slide into a place of worry and self-doubt. It’s very fertile ground for perfectionism. Social media presents us with carefully curated profiles compared to which we feel, well…like a failure. Indeed, perfectionism is on the rise.
What is Perfectionism and How Does It Happen?
Not all mental health issues are officially diagnosable disorders. Perfectionism can be associated with an existing disorder or it can be viewed as a distinct set of behaviors and thought patterns. Either way, someone who feels like a failure is probably looking for help rather than technicalities.
Common Signs of Perfectionism
Stringent, unrealistic expectations of yourself and possibly other people, too
Low self-esteem
Low tolerance for stress
An unwillingness to try anything new for fear of looking foolish
Chronic procrastination
Self-isolation
Comparing yourself to everyone else (including strangers)
Anxiety
Common Causes of Perfectionism
Perfectionism often arises due to past events, e.g.
You may have had parents, siblings, or teachers who were hyper-critical and judgmental.
A traumatic, often humiliating experience can lead you to strive for perfection and do virtually anything to avoid future embarrassment
Each person is unique and thus, root causes can vary. But the end result is a false perception that the only way for you to feel safe and accepted is to always be at your best. Such a lifestyle can become a major obstacle in one’s daily life. It can and must be addressed.
How to Get Past Feeling Like a Failure
What most often sustains this cycle is that, to a perfectionist, becoming self-aware can feel like a failure. Think about it, the escape route goes directly through acceptance. We call must that we have flaws because everyone has flaws. Such a breakthrough can begin by identifying the signs and causes of your situation (see above). From there, a skilled professional can be the ideal guide toward healing.
With the help of a therapist, you can:
Step Away From Your Devices
If you tried to invent a machine to challenge people’s confidence, you’d be hard-pressed to do better than your phone or computer. It’s brimming with fake news, artificial intelligence, and deceptive editing. By stepping into real life, you expose yourself to the many ways we call have flaws and faults.
Practice Making Mistakes
It’s not that you purposely mess up. Rather, you slowly but surely start taking more chances. By definition, this means you’ll sometimes fail. In the process, you will rewire your brain to accept errors and the inevitable learning curve. No longer will you reflexively categorize an honest mistake as a threat, danger, or risk.
Recalibrate What “Success” Means
There is no such thing as human perfection. Thus, happiness isn’t defined by our “wins.” Rather, our lives become more rich when we gain a sense of meaning by participating in meaningful efforts. Shift the goalposts from competing to enjoying. It’s way more successful to enjoy your life than to fear the flaws that make you human.
Life is More Than a Success and Failure Binary
Living a purposeful life is more nuanced than black-and-white thinking. If you want to take the pressure off yourself and enjoy the journey, I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon. Reach out to learn more about anxiety therapy.