Navigating the Stormy Seas of Grief
Many experiences unite us as humans. One of those universal events, however, is something too many of us choose to keep hidden. In a culture that doesn’t openly discuss death and loss, people will struggle mightily with grief. It’s become a taboo subject and, due to societal conditioning, few people learn how to navigate the stormy seas of grief.
Fortunately, this trend can be reversed. We can collectively recognize that grief is inevitable and thus, if we become open to discussing it, we can make those seas a little less stormy. By normalizing the expression of loss, we are serving the greater good.
Some of the Widespread Norms Related to Grief and Loss
Everyone experiences bereavement in unique ways. Even so, you can rest assured that the range of emotions they feel will be wide and often unpredictable. Without a sufficient number of outlets for these feelings, most folks develop coping mechanisms that are less than ideal. For example:
Refusing to face up to the depth of your sadness by pushing down uncomfortable feelings
Grieving the way that is expected of you and how you’ve seen others do it
Setting an artificial deadline as to when you should “get over it” and “move on”
Dealing with well-intentioned but counterproductive sentiments like “they wouldn’t want you to be sad” and “be strong”
Choosing to handle it alone
Expecting that everything will get “back to normal” at some point soon
When someone you love has died, there is no blueprint. But there are some truisms. One time-proven reality is that grief deserves our full attention and there’s absolutely no shame in feeling profound sorrow.
5 Ways to Navigate the Stormy Seas of Grief
1. Acceptance and Balance
The first move — the bold move in our society — is to acknowledge what has happened and what you need to deal with it. It is healthy to feel grief after a loss. But you must also accept that you’ve just begun a journey that is far from linear. There’s no roadmap so allow yourself to feel what you need to feel — even when your emotions get messy. Meanwhile, however, balance is possible. Amid moments of despair, you will feel joy about other aspects of your life. This is normal and should be embraced. Express grief when you need to. Experience other emotions when they feel right.
2. Ask For Help
Bereavement is not a solo act. You may at first need other people to help with daily chores and errands. However, going deeper than that, someone who has experienced a loss very much needs trusted allies to listen, validate, and offer counsel. Sure, some solitude can be healing. But please resist the temptation to withdraw and suffer in silence.
3. Do It Your Way
One thing our society definitely will do is impose traditions and rituals upon those who are grieving. This can be fine since it offers an opportunity to mourn together. Keep in mind, though, that you can come up with your own rituals. These rituals can be for the period immediately after a loss. But also, you have the agency to choose what you’ll do on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.
4. Be Grateful
This is a giant step toward the balance mentioned above. Your world doesn’t cease to have special moments just because you’re missing someone. Find ways to honor those moments along the way.
5. Take Care of Your Mind and Body
Even when nothing else makes sense, you can benefit greatly from daily self-care. Exercise, sleep, healthy eating, being outside, and practicing stress management are all examples of how to practice self-love.
You are not alone, even in grief. I’m here if you want to talk. Feel free to reach out about grief counseling.