You Can Heal From Betrayal: Here's How
Betrayal is a word that provokes strong emotions — and justifiably so. If betrayal occurs, by definition, that means trust has been violated. It’s more than just a disappointment. A betrayal of trust is heartbreaking and can be traumatic. Betrayal trauma is a thing and it can require time and work to heal from it.
A betrayal typically results in shock before transitioning into depression and/or rage. What felt normal is your life is suddenly torn asunder. You’ll have some big decisions to make in terms of apologies and forgiveness. But, at the same time, you must allocate a big chunk of your energy toward healing and recovery.
What Are Some Common Types of Betrayal?
At any age, you can be hurt by friends or family members working against your interests. They can lie behind your back, share private information, or scam you if you’re in business together. The bottom line is that they did not live up to the reasonable expectations you’d have for someone you trust.
When it comes to betrayal trauma, there are two particular painful sources to consider:
Childhood Abuse and Neglect: To be betrayed during your most vulnerable years will leave you with scars. You may be too young to process the events or give them words but such a betrayal can shape your interactions with others well into adulthood.
Relationship Infidelity: Being cheated on can be quite a jolt. The same goes if your partner is hiding any kind of secret from you.
Possible Symptoms of Betrayal
Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and nightmares
Becoming hyper-vigilant, easily startled, prone to panic attacks
Depression, mood swings, and anxiety
Denial
Withdrawal and general avoidance
Physical signs like appetite changes, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and more
How to Heal From Betrayal
Acceptance
As mentioned above, denial is a frequent choice. You might imagine it’s easier to downplay things than face them. Ultimately, however, the path toward healing runs directly through acceptance. Acknowledge what happened to you. Feel what you need to feel. Name your emotions. It can be very useful to keep a journal and that journal will come in handy when you’re with your therapist.
Find a Support System
Yes, of course, you may be understandably wary of trusting anyone. But you cannot do this alone. If it feels safer, you can begin by connecting with a support group — online or in person. The group setting is valuable in recognizing you’re not alone and this is not your fault.
Get Help With Big Decisions
From your therapist to the support system discussed above, you’ll want some counsel. Perhaps a partner had an affair, a friend broke a promise, or a business associate took advantage of you — whatever it is, you’ll be facing a big decision about forgiveness and/or staying in contact with them. Take your time and consider the input you receive.
What If You Were the Betrayer?
Some suggestions:
Assess your behavior with honesty
Hold yourself accountable
Don’t downplay or minimize the victim’s perspective
Validate their grief
Offer an authentic apology
Show remorse
Ask for forgiveness
Respect their reactions
Reconciliation might be possible but the onus is on you to step up with humility and sincerity. Whatever end of the betrayal you’re on, therapy is highly recommended.
Rebuilding Resilience and Trust
In the presence of an experienced guide, this nightmarish scenario can be more smoothly navigated. Especially when childhood betrayal is involved, there will be past patterns to be excavated and new approaches to be discovered. No one ever deserves to be betrayed but they absolutely can heal and thrive again.
If you find yourself in this painful situation, I can help and I’d love to do so. Reach out to learn more about trauma therapy.